Whenever I meet new people, I ask myself, before starting a friendship:
- Do I want to get involved with this person?
- Do we share similar values or interests?
- What feeling do I have after spending time with a person?
If my gut tells me there is more positive feeling than negativ involved, I am gladly diving into this new friendship – at least nowadays. In former times with less „selfknowledge“ I tended to also dive into relations that we’re based on oneside-advantages and ego stuff.
I am happy to know better today and choose more wisely but it took me some time and lots of compassion & knowledge about me.
So friends can „easily“ be chosen, but family is a construct your born into which makes it more difficult to get along properly – especially if your very different in personality and consciousness.
The ideal family for me mainly has this characteristics:
- Everybody has a basic knowledge of themselves (bright/dark sides) and there needs
- Everybody listens & tries to understand each other, even if the are totally different (personality wise)
- Everybody is trying to accept each other’s decisions- even if not agreeing with them
- There is a general feeling of love & emotional support between all
- Talking about emotions & wounds using „nonviolent communication“ (need-based-communication).
Guess your ideal family doesn’t look that different from mine, does it?
Well this might be considered „high standard“ but I strongly believe, if all family members living life consciously or trying there best to get in touch with themself, it’s a realistic thing to be achieved.
But what if certain family members aren’t able or willing to take a look at themselves?
I strongly believe in Quantum-Physics, therefore it’s also possible that the whole family or certain members can also change, if just one member is „working“ on them or the „whole family“. My preferred tools for that „work“ are:
- Forgiveness using the Ho‘onopono practice or/and
- Meditation or Zazen
A wonderful ancient Zen like („Pono“ means „balance“ of life!) practice for forgiveness is Ho‘oponopono which was first documented by Mary Kawena Pukui in a book she wrote in the late 1950‘s – about the Hawaiian rituals she learned from her grandfather.
A Healer named Morrnah Simeona is responsible for the recollection modern of Ho‘oponopono as we know it now.
Ho’onopono roughly translates to “make things right“.
It was originally invented for solving family troubles – functions as both a communication concept for reconciliation and a tool for restoring self-love and balance. Here comes the four sentences you can say to your „true/higher self“ or generally the universe:
I also love this soft English spoken Ho‘oponopono from Sandra Rolus for relaxing 5 minutes during day- or evening-time.
Also it’s Perfect for me to have a song-version of it, if I have some minutes on the bus after a stressfull day at work or when hurrying to pick up my kid from kindergarten. Here is a great Ho’onopono Song from the Tibetan mantra healer Drukmo Gyal.
I can really recommend Ho‘onopono for situations in which you need relief and more energy- it’s a total Relief and can also bring relief to others when dedicated to them (mentally).
Sometimes when I am having troubles with a certain person I like thinking about she/him and speaking a Ho‘onopono for them.
From my experience it changes your Energie and therefore all the energy around you which lets directly to a changed energy of that certain person.
For me Zazen, sitting the Zen Buddhism-way, focusing on my breath, helps to get in touch with the silence und strength deep within me.
If I am calm and compassionate with me i always see it reflect positive on my environment…of course sometimes it’s working „better“ than other times.
Important: I try not to selfoptimize and stress me too much with all my tools and concepts that help me in on or the other situation but it’s good to have some at all.
That have been some ideas to work on the family situation but furthermore it’s important to have a „recipe/strategy“, to hold on to, in case a family conflict occurres.
From what I learned it lies in the following:
I hope I was able to give you some idea for taking good care of yourself when it comes up to family meetings?!
I would love to hear some of your strategies and how they worked out for you at get-together‘s?
Have a great time & till new year…
With Love 💖,